A new year

I have been terrible at keeping up with my postings. There are a few things that I am disappointed with, I have failed something that I have put so much effort into and have tried so hard. 2011 was a disappointment. I felt like an idiot because I simply could not understand or perform well. I hate that feeling, I hate the feeling of failure because it makes me want to cry. My holidays were full of worries and sadness because I have disappointed myself. The thought of having to retake the class only sets me back from moving forward and onto my film and writing classes.

I pray that this new year will treat me well and I will succeed and achieve my goals and do even better this time around. At least I can say that at least I tried, and that I did not give up. No matter how hard or frustrating I got, no matter how much I wanted to quite and give up, or cry, I stuck it out through the end. It’s better to have failed and tried, than to have never tried and fail. I must remember that. If it weren’t for understanding friends,and former instructor I would be beating myself up. They simply told me that Math is not for everyone, I may be struggling in this area; but I am a lot smarter and talented in other subjects and i guess that is true My former instructor went of to say that I should not be putting all the blam on myself because the teacher of the subject is an important part of a students success Bless her for telling me that. So this new year, I will continue to try harder and not give up. I will find my way. I am hitting the 25 mark and I still feel more lost than ever. I wish I knew what I want, I wish I knew what it is that God wants me to do. They say that your twenties are times where you will feel most lost and confuse. That is a fact for which I feel at the moment. I hate this feeling of not knowing what I want. I just feel so lost. It got to the point where I have thought about leaving everything behind and moving away to another country, and possible starting over and finding myself. I envy those who knew what they wanted when they were young, or know where they are going.

It seems as though everyone around me is starting their career or settling down and getting engaged, getting married, or having kids, yet I am nowhere near there. I am just lost and I hope and pray that God can help me find myself.

I guess, my new years resolution should be to focus on myself and figure out what it is that I truly want so that I no longer feel lost and confuse. Who am I? Secondly, I plan to continue to stay healthy and be healthy, continue to eat healthy. Third, I would love to visit my friend in Japan, and Canada. I want to travel and find a job that will help me to meet that goal, or wish.

The Asian lunar new year is soon approaching as well. Year of the dragon, another new year to make another resolution that is fitting to the asian lunar new year. Vietnamese new year, Chinese new year. Korean and Japanese too celebrate the lunar new year as well I believe. But each celebrate it differently. This may be saved for another post as the Asian lunar new year approaches.

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