This is ME

This is me, flaws and all, but lets not really get into that right now. When I look in the mirror, I sometimes see a confuse person with a  lost soul who is searching for meaning in life, what their future holds. I wish I had it all figured out.

I am too afraid, too afraid to grow up; but I know I have to. I am afraid to put myself out there only to be hurt and disappointed. Somehow, I have developed this fear of failure, I don’t know when or how, but I know that I used to not or worry too much about failing because at least I tried. I guess the pressure I get from people around me has led me to this fear. I wish I knew.

I am a Catholic first and foremost, second, I am an American  born Vietnamese with French mixed in my blood, born and raised right here in Southern California, it is the only home I have ever known. No matter where I go in life, California is home. I have traveled to twelve states in two weeks once while on a two-week road trip with my families, by that, I mean aunts, uncles, cousins, mother, father, and sisters. I wish to one day travel out of the country. When I do, Europe is first on my list. I have promised a friend that I would visit her in Japan, and another in Canada. Maybe Canada will be first since it’s closer.

I have yet to visit the motherland. I am not sure how ready I am for that. I hear the weather is hot and humid, the opposite of my liking. Vietnam, I will one day know you, Just give me time.

I feel that I should say a little, or maybe a lot about myself. Or, at least I want to share some or a few things about me. Maybe not things, but more of who I am since my about section does not say much other than who or what I am in terms of what others know me as. On a more personal note, I would say that I am introvert. I become shy and quiet when first meeting people, I don’t like having the attention on me or the idea of being in a crowded room. Large social gathering makes me awkward and uncomfortable, only because I do not know how to do small talk. I am friendly and kind a happy person all around who smiles a lot, yet, I may come off as closed off and disinterested. I don’t talk much, but I listen, I listen more than I talk.  I think too much sometimes.

I am still learning about myself as I go, who I am as a person, who I am today, may not be who I am in ten years. We all change, for the better, we become wiser and a better version of our better self. That is what I believe and who I wish to be. A better person who hopes to one day make a difference in person’s life, or to the world. I hope to one day inspire others to make a difference and do things out of kindness and compassion. If I can inspire one person, then that would be enough because it only takes one person to make a difference  and make someones day a little more brighter no matter how small or  big.

I am the type of person who will put others first and I come second to last. People tell me that I should put myself first before anything else, otherwise I would never be happy. I am working on that, and I have put myself first a few times, my happiness comes first. There are times where it is not always about me, but the people around me’ and I know that, But when it comes to my life and living my life, I come  first. I dislike being told what to do in terms of how to live my life. It’s my life, therefore I should be able to do what makes me happy, and live in a way that makes me happy. I know that I do not have to prove to anyone or to live and do things to please others, and by others, I mean family members and those who judge me. Work is a different story where jobs and responsibility should be obeyed and taken seriously.

I guess, it’s about time I end it here, I tend to do that, get carried away when writing. I see that this has gotten a little too long and wish to not make it any longer than it already is. If you are reading this and have gotten this far, thank you for taking the time to read it and for reading till the end.

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Comments
One Response to “This is ME”
  1. eof737 says:

    It’s a pleasure to get to know you… We are all reserved about something so you are not alone on that one… Your picture is beautiful! 🙂

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