A word that defines a negative feeling. A strong feeling of anxiety, to be afraid.  Phobia, a combing form that means a fear for something. I would say that fear is my enemy, it keeps me from doing things and putting myself out there for fear of failure. Not to say that I have made my mistakes and failed, but it is with that experience that caused that fear. I know what it feels like to fail, and to feel like a disappointment to yourself, it was enough to make me fear failure. However, Failing because I tried, I am learning to accept that failing because I did not try is far worse than Trying and failing. Failing is a learning experience, it’s an opportunity to try again, but more intelligently and differently. Learn what mistakes you made the first time, and avoid it the second.

I used to think that I was afraid of Heights, but taking time to really think about what it was about height that scares me, I realized that it was not the height that I was afraid of, it was the fear or falling. I came to this conclusion when thinking about on the things I refuse to do, climb a ladder,  going on roof tops, it was because I did not want to fall. I guess that’s the reason why I am afraid of roller coasters, the drops, and loops frightens me because my fear of falling.

I have a fear of public speaking.

I would have to say my biggest fear thus far would have to be mice…rodents would be more like it. I am writing about fear because I came across a mouse recently on Friday (May 20, 2011) I had known that a mouse had gotten into the house, but I have not seen it since. As I was sitting in my room about to start my homework. I had gone out to the bathroom before that to brush my teeth and wash my face, I came back and sat myself on the floor to use the laptop when suddenly in the middle of typing, I heard noises thinking it was just the birds outside, shrugged it off and continued on typing. Still typing when suddenly I heard a noise again, this time it was louder and I knew that it mas coming from my room, I sat for another two seconds when I heard it again, this time I was able to decipher what noise it was when I realized that it was the sound of crumbling paper as if someone or something was stepping on it. That sound was enough to scare me out of my room in less than two seconds. I stood outside my room looking in, then walked to the bathroom to grab my towel before deciding to do my laundry. Towel in hand, I stood back outside my room looking it, right then and there I saw a mouse running in my room. I screamed but barely made a sound, I was too afraid to make any loud noise, instead I panicked. I quickly ran to the living room to look for the glue trap that had been set out in the living room. I grabbed one, put a piece of beef jerky onto it and toss it into my room making sure it did not flip over. I then proceeded running to the couch and jumped on, standing there frozen. Looking around, trying to find something that I can possibly throw at my door to scare it away and out my room. It did not go so well for I had missed while trying to shoot a hair tie at the door. I stood and sat on that couch for a good three minutes trying to catch my breath and processed what had happened in that short five or so minutes. Still feeling scared, I ran to my sister’s room hoping that she was home as well, but she wasn’t. Somehow being home alone with the mouse in my room was terrifying. I wanted to cry, that’s how fearful I am with those little creature.  When mother came home, I told her what had happened, still on the verge of crying, she suggest I take everything out of my room to put traps in. I couldn’t do it with just walking in, and carrying stuff out so I found a curtain rod sitting in my room next to the door. Expanding it as long as it allows me to do so, I taped  it in place making it strong enough to drag stuff out. I was able to use the rod to slid it through the straps of my purse to bring it out or my room. It became difficult to reach the heavier stuff, and the ones that were to far. So, I came up with another solution, found a plain, thick, round wooded stick and attached a gardening claw tool at the end. It was the most useful think I made, I was able to do so much without having to go into my room.

It’s been two days, no mouse on the trap. I do not know if it is still hiding in my room, or it crawled out somewhere. I have been sleeping in the living room for the past two days because of that, and I have to say that it is never a good night sleep for me. I get so paranoid and scared thinking that it will crawl out and on me. The first night in the living room, I hardly slept at all, I was falling in and out of sleep. Saturday night was a little better, I guess being tired from not getting much sleep the night before helped, but again, fear took over and I became restless. Every hour I would walk to my room, look in to see if the mouse was caught. I eventually fell asleep, but was awoken at 5am be noises that sounded odd. Paranoid and scared again, could not fall asleep. By 5:30 am the birds were starting to chirp which made me feel less scared because I was able to focus on that instead of the noise I was hearing, hoping that it was a mouse being trapped and hoping that it was not a mouse at the same time. Fell back asleep again for an hour before waking again.

I am not afraid of bugs or insects, but I am terrified of rodents. I would say that my fear of mice is a phobia called musophobia meaning fear of mice. This phobia once kept me awake all night because I heard a mouse under my bed. Being afraid and having fears can affect a person on their daily life. It is such a negative feeling that causes a person to start thinking negatively and fearing for the worst. Fear is my enemy because it does not work with me, it does nothing but prevent me from enjoying life to the fullest.

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